Paralympian Jaleen Roberts on 2020 Mental Health Journey

Trigger Warning: This post is about depression and suicide.

For four years, Jaleen Roberts shaped her life around a dream. As a long jumper and 100 and 200 meter sprinter in the T37 division, the track was Roberts’ world and made the Paralympic Games her ultimate goal. Training in Spokane, WA, everything Roberts did, every decision she made came back to the point. When the March 2020 Paralympic Games were postponed due to COVID-19, it felt like Roberts’ dream was “torn away”. She took it hard, declined interview requests and avoided her education. She didn’t want to talk to anyone involved in the sport.

“I went through a time where I was wondering if I really wanted to make tracks,” Roberts told POPSUGAR. “I had lost all motivation. I felt like I was there for free.”

The athletes faced unprecedented challenges in 2020. There was the physical wear and tear of training for an extra year, resulting in injuries and problems like the overtraining syndrome that forced swimmer Simone Manuel out of the pool for three weeks prior to the Olympics. Mentally, many athletes have spent more time in their heads than ever since the postponement of COVID-19, said Sean McCann, PhD, senior sports psychologist for the United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee (USOPC). “For some, the mood was down while the stress level rose sharply.” The effect naturally extends far beyond the field.

Depression in the Pandemic

Roberts, 22, experienced a wave of challenges last year. The pandemic hit, the school went online and she went through a breakup. The Paralympics have been postponed. She stopped taking her depression medication because she no longer felt it was working.

“I knew I didn’t want to die. I just wanted what I was experiencing to go away.”

Then it got really bad. Roberts started with suicidal thoughts and realized that she had to change “because I knew that if I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t make it.” After speaking to her mother and her route coach, Roberts checked himself into a mental hospital. She was afraid of being alone with her thoughts, needed a safe space, and knew that talking to friends, family, or even a therapist “would not be enough for me,” she explained. “I knew I didn’t want to die. I just wanted what I was experiencing to go away.”

Rediscovering her reason for the track

The postponement of the Paralympics made an “enormous, huge contribution” to Roberts’ mental health problems last year, she said. Her whole life has revolved around the railway; when it was taken away, it lost its “sense of purpose”.

Her trainer, David Greg, encouraged Roberts to research the real reason she was running track. And when she thought about it, Roberts realized that she was running not just because she loved the sport or longed for the thrill of winning, but because she wanted to become role models that little girls with a disability like her could look up to. And not just sporty; Roberts also wants to be a role model and confidante for people with disabilities who are struggling with their mental health.

That’s one of the reasons Roberts was so open about her own journey on Instagram, where she shared part of her story last September. “It is important that girls with disabilities in particular have a safe place or person to come to when they feel they have no one,” said Roberts. “It’s a scary feeling when you have the feeling that you have all these people around you, but you have no one to confide in and whom you can trust.”

Go forward

After her stay in hospital, Roberts was diagnosed and treated for bipolar II disorder. After a period of progress, Roberts saw another downturn in December, along with the return of suicidal ideation. She and her psychiatrist changed her medication, and despite the “ups and downs,” Roberts said she has felt fine ever since.

“If I have to be the first to tell my story and be vulnerable to people I don’t even know, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

The mental health journey is not linear and Roberts, who officially qualified for the 2021 Paralympic Games in June, said she was still trying to figure out her own routine. She is working on her sleep schedule and wants to try hot yoga and other meditative practices. She also tries to avoid acting out of impulse and for instant gratification, as she remembers that the route is her top priority, which also includes making better decisions about what to eat and what to do while exercising and in doing their free time includes. Positive affirmations were huge too. “I always wanted the voice between my ears to be my friend, not my enemy,” said Roberts.

Many Team USA athletes are advised to do the same, said Dr. McCann. Over the last year in particular, he has encouraged athletes to prioritize sleep, develop a structure for each day, accept their emotions, and use Team USA’s resources like a registry of psychiatrists and round-the-clock support – Use the hotline. Athletes face a variety of challenges: relationship problems, family stress, coping with the pressure of being a medal favorite. “All of our athletes are human first and foremost,” explained Dr. McCann, and not every mental health problem has to do with exercise.

Roberts agreed. “Sometimes people forget that as athletes we are human too and we face exactly the same struggles,” she said. Roberts pressures himself to perform well on the track, but also worries about being a good role model and always being aware of the platform she has that she wants to use to raise mental health awareness sharpen. The subject couldn’t be closer to her; Beyond her own experience, Roberts shared that one of her best friends recently died of suicide. There are so many people struggling with their mental health, she said, “but people feel so alone because no one is talking about it.”

Roberts hopes that her own path and the way she got help when she needed it can serve as an example to others. “I want people to look at this and say, ‘Okay, I’m not the only one struggling with this. There are other people struggling with this,'” she said. “If I have to be the first to tell my story and be vulnerable to people I don’t even know, then that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make because it’s worth it for me.”

If you or a loved one have thoughts of suicide or are at risk, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has multiple resources and a 24/7 lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

To learn more about all of the Paralympic Hope Holders, visit TeamUSA.org. The Tokyo Paralympics begin August 24th on NBC.

Image source: Sandra Tenuto / USOPC

source https://outdoorsportsnews.com/paralympian-jaleen-roberts-on-2020-mental-health-journey/